It’s been six months since my last post on here. I’ll be honest with y’all, after October, I lost my mojo to write this blog. Often when I write or read these blog posts I feel like I am saying the same things over and over again. Sometimes I feel like it doesn’t always depict how I felt day-to-day. So in the efforts of only posting what is real, I just didn’t post.
But let’s reflect on this year, it was hard. It’s been a whole year since I last spoke with her. About this time last year, she called me. She used her last few minutes before she entered the MTC to call me. I was on my way to Spanish class and we talked about the rumored Frozen musical, about how I was thinking about starting this blog series, about how miss we would miss each other. I left that phone call bawling, it took me the majority of class to even get a grip.
Before Nat left, people kept telling that I was going to miss her a lot. I would often brush them off, like “pssh, nah. I mean I’ll miss her, but it won’t be that big of deal. Boy, was I wrong. Yeah, there were days, even weeks where I didn’t really think of her or how much I missed her.
But there were days that I missed her more than anything. When I’m super excited about something, I want to call her. I want her tell me she’s proud of me. But she’s not here. On bad days, the days I just want to escape this mess.. She’s not here.
What I learned through out this whole thing is we were each other’s home base. You know when you were a kid and you played tag there was always a home base, that one place where you were safe and no one could get you. That was what we were to each other. When things went wrong at any time of the day (and I mean ANY time of the day,) we were there for each other. “Wanna Skype?” or “can I call?” quickly became a common text phrase between us. There were nights we’d Skype for seven hours just talking about everything going on, there late nights calling each other at 3am freaking out about our latest drama. We were always there for each other in the way that was needed at that time. We listened to each other, have advice, justified the situation, and sometimes play for the other team. But we did what was needed at the time.
That’s what makes it hard to find another person to vent to like that. A lot of people want to help you solve your problems. Which isn’t always bad, I need that sometimes.. But sometimes I just need someone to tell me that life sucks and it’ll all be okay.
She tells me that all of her companions want to be my best friend because she tells them all about our weird adventures and they think I’m awesome. But everyone who knows her knows she’s the awesome one, I’m just crazy enough to go along for the ride. Everything we are separated is nothing compared to what we are together. Together we are the perfect combonation of giggles, spontaneity, and adventure.